‘What If’ Worries in postpartum?
Maybe you’re a new parent, and you’ve found your way here because you are concerned about worries, thoughts, images or even urges around the safety of your baby. ‘What if’ worries are unwanted thoughts of unintentional harm accidentally coming to your baby, for example,
What if my baby stops breathing?
What if I drop the baby as I walk down the stairs?
What if I drop the baby in the bath and cause harm?
What if i let go of the pram and he does flying….
‘What if’ worries can include thoughts, urges or even images in your mind.
These thoughts/urges can seem to appear out of nowhere, all of a sudden or they may appear in the context of prolonged distress, for example, if your baby is distressed for long periods and you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
No one warned you about this, and you worry if this is ‘normal’. If this resonates with you, please read on and hopefully, we can shed some light on this together.
What are ‘what if’ worries?
It is common for new parents to experience unwanted thoughts of unintentional harm coming to their baby during the postpartum period. Naturally, these thoughts can be highly distressing for new parents.
These worries are know as Intrusive thoughts which are distressing, uncomfortable thoughts, images or urges that tend to arise unexpectedly. Studies have shown that up to 94% of the general population experience intrusive thoughts at some point in their lifetime. If you are experiencing Intrusive thoughts of harm accidentally coming to your baby, it is important to know that it is a shared experience, with studies showing that up to 91% of new parents experience them. Often, when new parents experience these thoughts, they naturally cause distress, can be confusing, overwhelming, and difficult to make sense of.
Often parents worry that these thoughts may indicate that they pose a risk to their baby. However, there is no evidence to suggest that these thoughts correlate with increased risk. It can be helpful to remember that these thoughts are unwanted thoughts of unintentional harm. Unwanted thoughts are EGO DYSTONIC, meaning that the impulses or thoughts are unacceptable to you; they are shocking because they are not in line with your values, beliefs and do not reflect how you wish or intend to behave.
It’s worth remembering that the perinatal period is a time of increased sensitivity and vulnerability. As a new parent, you are biologically hardwired to protect your baby. For this reason, you are primed to seek out danger and these thoughts are often driven by anxiety and a strong instinct to keep your baby safe.
It may be helpful to remind yourself that these are unwanted thoughts driven by anxiety. For example, you may wish to reframe the thoughts and remind yourself that you are a protective mother/parent trying to keep your baby safe from danger. You are, in fact doing the job you are supposed to. It may then help to ground yourself into the present moment and remind yourself that you and your baby are safe right now.
When to seek help
If you are experiencing intrusive thoughts in your postpartum period, I hope you take some solace in knowing that it is a very common experience and that you are not alone.
The intensity and severity of these intrusive thoughts of unintentional harm can vary from person to person. Some may experience an occasional ‘what if worry’, while others may constantly experience distressing thoughts which impact wellbeing and day to day life. Always remember to check in with yourself and consider if you need further support. Signs you might need extra support include; if you are distressed by intrusive thoughts, if you notice they are becoming worse or taking over, if notice your mood begins to drop, if notice a lack of confidence in parenting, or you begin to manage anxiety with compulsions (behaviours, rituals to neutralise the anxiety), it’s worth having a chat with a professional.
A qualified perinatal mental health professional will be equipped to support you in understanding and developing skills to manage these distressing thoughts. The great news is that with the right support these thoughts are very treatable, so if you are concerned please don’t delay in reaching out.
If you would like to find out more, the following free download may be helpful, Making sense of ‘What If’ Worries in the Postpartum Period.
If you are looking for a Perinatal mental health professional, I recommend looking here or here.
Disclaimer
The information within this blog post is for general information only, it may or may not apply to you, and it is not intended to be medical or psychological advice. Things are often more nuanced, and content on the site is not intended to replace assessment, formulation, and personalised intervention. Always talk with a trusted health professional about your unique circumstances.